Sexy Russian Vixen

October 30, 2007

It was Daniel who started calling me Communist Barbie. We were running a store together, and he used to say that the staff was afraid of me. I was the evil one who made sure the bathrooms were clean, the stock room was in order, the light bulbs were changed, the overnights were scheduled right-basically, that everyone was as productive as last night’s party allowed them to be. So come Halloween that year I had the best costume in the bunch. It was such a hit that people asked me if they could duplicate it. Since “communist barbie costume” has been in the search terms for the past week, here is what worked for me.

Look for a picture of a sickle and a hammer online, print it, and make a stencil out of it. Get an old white tank (I used men’s), and paint the logo with bright red paint-any arts supply store carries cheap stuff that works really well. I wore that with a bright red patent leather bra underneath, paired with camouflage capris and bright red heels (I can be a hooch if the occasion demands it). Long blond wig is up to you. A friend of mine wore a camo dress with a red scarf around her neck and a Mattel logo stuck on her butt. The possibilities are endless. Unfortunately, I’m all grown up.

Have fun, ladies. Sexy Russian vixen, indeed….


When Nature Calls

October 29, 2007

One of my few complaints about Manhattan is the bathrooms in restaurants/bars/any venue where time is spent with the full intention of having fun. You try walking down a really narrow, steep flight of stairs in stiff, wide-leg, cuffed jeans and four inch heels after one vodka cranberry and two mojitos, which, by the way, were made with pure octane, not alcohol, I swear. There has got to be a better way…..

But, oh, fun times were had.

iPod Is For Lovers

October 23, 2007

… or lack thereof. Basically, you plug it into your iPod and it vibes in rhythm with the music. Damn, I want an iPod….

So Exciting!!!

October 18, 2007

Those of you who know me well know about my near-obsession with Gabriel Garcia Marquez. I love him. I want to be his groupie. Love In the Time of Cholerais my bible-I read it any time I need a question answered, be it the existential crisis kind or not. So you can imagine how pleased I am that a movie has finally materialized. As a long forgotten ex used to say: “I am so happy I can kick myself in the ass.” I really hope it does the book justice.

Happy Halloween!!!

October 17, 2007


It’s the time of year when almost every Rutgers female decides she will be a Victoria’s Secret model for Halloween. The rest of them will be sexy nurses. All in the name of finding their own little green pumpkin. I’m staying home.

I’m thinking….

October 13, 2007

…. everything the Jews know about guilt, they learned from the Bulgarians….

Warning Bells

October 6, 2007

I was driving home from the library tonight after some heavy-duty studying, listening to Guster, when it hit me-my life is awesome. Sure, some things need improvement, but isn’t that the point? Things really are going well.

Orgo exam on sunday night-to kick off Halloween season. Scary.

Guilty Pleasures

October 3, 2007

I usually don’t watch much TV, but will indulge every now and then. One of my favorites is America’s Next Top Model. Between the drama of Tyra, and the mess of the rest of the girls, it is borderline embarrassing to watch. But, oh, so good. My favorite lines ever:

Judge: Girl, you look like the Queen of Sheba.

Model: Thanks, I’ve never been to Sheba.

 (Shooting a razor commercial on top of an elephant)

Model: Shooting with the elephants was such an honor. They are such big, preposterous animals. They are so old, too, ’cause elephants are from the dinosaur family, you know.

Go watch. You’ll find your own favorites.

Lost In Translation

October 1, 2007

My friend Frank The Baldhead and his wife Marina are going to Europe to visit family. Today’s conversation with him:

Frank: So, do you want me to bring you anything from Portugal?

Me: Yes, a portuguese water puppy

The curly ones are really cute. They remind me of Bob Marley.