The End of the World

November 16, 2006

If this is what global warming is all about, I’ll take it. 67 degrees in November. Love it.



November 9, 2006

Anyone wanna go see Sia with me in D.C. on Nov 20? It’s a monday night, and I’ll probably end up staying tuesday, as well. Plan is flexible, of course…. Let me know.

Crazy In the Head

November 8, 2006

I’m sure you know the feeling-you go through your whole life believing that certain habits or behaviour are normal, or at least fairly common. Until one day, that is, when it somehow turns out that it is not normal, or even common, whatsoever. You then have to go about figuring out how to alter yourself because, well, you really have no reason to suffer after all. So you tweak yourself a bit and begin to feel much better. At first all is well, but then you begin to feel weird because you’re not uncomfortable anymore. And that makes you uncomfortable. Now you have a whole new set of issues to be worried about. Is that normal?

I’m reading over what I wrote and I realize I sound like Woody Allen-verbally twitching in the process of trying to escape from myself. I keep thinking that if I get it out of me it will somehow help. Well, turns out it doesn’t. I’m too neurotic for it to be effective.

Thursday Night Lights

November 8, 2006

So, big game for Rutgers Thursday night. I don’t even know who they’re playing, but the traffic forecast is more than discouraging. Since we live right next to the stadium, the threat takes on a whole new meaning. I told my sister we should sell parking space and at least make some money for out troubles, but she wasn’t too impressed with my entrepreneurial ideas. Whatever….

U Turn

November 6, 2006

Isn’t it funny how one simple sentence can completely change the course of several lives? And I don’t mean anything as generic as “I Do”, or “I Don’t”. Sometimes you don’t even realize you’re altering someone else’s path. Or maybe you do, and that’s why you say it in the first place, even if you don’t really mean it. Maybe you know deep down in your heart that you don’t quite want it. Maybe you hope for the best despite knowing it’s not possible anymore. Maybe you grasp for straws. Or maybe, just maybe, (hopefully) you really mean it. And things just might work out for everyone.

Fade Into You

November 5, 2006

I want to hold the hand inside you
I want to take a breath that’s true
I look to you and I see nothing
I look to you to see the truth
You live your life
You go in shadows
You’ll come apart and you’ll go black
Some kind of night into your darkness
Colors your eyes with what’s not there.

Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think it’s strange you never knew

A stranger’s light comes on slowly
A stranger’s heart without a home
You put your hands into your head
And then smiles cover your heart

Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think it’s strange you never knew

Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think it’s strange you never knew
I think it’s strange you never knew

                                                 Mazzy Star

                                                 So Tonight That I Might See

The fonts keep changing on me for no apparent reason and it’s driving me up the wall. Danm, I just wanted it to be uniform. Sorry. Just a little something to set the Sunday Night Mood… Yup, barefoot and pregnant again….

Collision Course

November 2, 2006

Do you ever get the urge to crash your car while driving? Not an accident, but an entirely intentional, head-on, violent smack. I totaled my car in high school (I rear-ended someone who cut me off), but, honestly, have no recolection of the actual impact. I remember what happened before (talking to the two people in the car on out way back to the dentist), and after (jumping out of the car in the rain only to have the gas from the airbag dissolve on my face and developing an allergic reaction).

On my way to school last night I drove past a really bad accident on Rt 18. The two SUVs looked as if they had gotten into a really bad fight in the process of trying to prove whose balls were bigger. I see damaged cars pretty much on a daily basis-it’s the nature of my job. I once came across the police report from an accident one of our customers was involved in-“car is badly mangled due to fire after it hit a tree and wall”-that’s a direct quote (we won’t discuss the officer’s knowledge of the English language). 

It’s like a daydream, almost. What would it feel like to be in control while destroying a car, and maybe some other property, too? I bet it feels good. No airbags, though. Too dramatic….

Old Habits Die Hard

November 1, 2006

When I came to the U.S. ten years ago e-mail/Internet was hardly mainstream, especially in Bulgaria. I used to correspond with my friends back home compulsively, to dull the effects of the culture shock that was threatening to eat away my sanity. There was one person in particular (u know who u are) to whom I would sent about 8 pages of crap every week. And I would get 8 pages of crap in return. It was great. When I was bored in class I would flip a page and start writing. Whatever came to mind. And then I would mail it.

We grew up (well, kinda..). Both of us went to college. We had easy access to email, and phone conversations were cheap. But I always had a letter for her in my binder, between the Bio and Portuguese notes. A lot of them I never sent, some of them I’m sure ended up in the trash, but a lot of them she got, and I’m sure she still has, shoved in some old shoebox, just as I have hers. When I dropped out, the writing to her kinda stopped. I had no time, and it was way easier to pick up the phone. I even went to visit her a few times. Oktoberfest really is fun.

So after a 4-year hiatus I finally go back to school. And what do I do? Yup, I flip the page and start writing a letter. I have about 4 pages already. And I just might send it. For old times’ sake.