Sunday Night

October 30, 2006

With the risk of putting women’s rights about 50 years back-sometimes I really wish I was barefoot and pregnant. Then I won’t have to be at work tomorrow, dealing with bullshit for what closely resembles minimum wage…. Of course, once tomorrow is over I’ll be back to my normal, relationship-hating, marriage-unbelieving self. Just anticipating all the crap I know got piled on my desk this weekend. Fuck, I’m tired of being so miserable.


Tug Of War

October 23, 2006

The short version-the fucking tree almost fell on our neighbors’ house…. It was a big tree, dead, and we had to take it down. Now I know why lumberjack is considered the most dangerous occupation. In the process of trying to avert the crisis I twisted a shoulder, bruised an arm and hurt my back. I was pulling so hard I can’t bend my fingers today. My sister has similar complaints, I can imagine so does my mom. Not to mention that my dad, my brother-in-law and Mr. Chin (the neighbor) were probably on the verge of massive coronaries. Needless to say, the fate of the two remaining dead trees in the yard has been left to professionals.

The Illusionist

October 19, 2006

Saw it last night. Loved it. Don’t you think that Edward Norton and Jessica Biel should procreate? Some hot babies they would have…. Seriously, though, don’t you wish you felt that certain about someone?

Razor Blaaaade….

October 17, 2006

For all of you out there who ever had to/wanted to/needed to take a happy pill or two-something you can relate to….

Higher Education

October 14, 2006

So I’m taking this class at Rutgers that has the purpose of integrating working adults into the student body. I had to take it bacause I have been out of school for quite some time and I was not in the best of academic standings when I dropped out. The purpose of the class is to give you an idea of what college is really about. We are also “auditioning” for admission because the Class Advidor is on the Admissions Board, so she wants to see that we are enthusiastic and responsible, attend and hand in homework. There are no grades or credits for the class. You get the idea. They just want to make sure you don’t suck too bad.

We get several lectures from faculty members, not even TA’s, and they teach as they would any other class. We already went through writing and literature, and we just started chem. BTW, I have been taking all this way too seriously, finishing papers over the weekend, doing homework right after class, and going every night. Polar opposite of what I used to to. Anyway, I keep thinking that I might not be able to prove myself and in the process forgot how wonderful I am.

So, back to chem. The guy is Head of Chemistry Department, and he’s my dad’s age. Italian, from Brooklin, a chemist with a Tony Soprano accent. Great sense of humor. Made us all laugh the whole time. So we’re talking about acid rain. He’s given us a hypothetical situation and we have to come up with solutions. A power plant in Ohio is buring coal. The sulfur dioxide from the fumes is escaping into the atmosphere, where the west-to-east winds begin to carry it into Pennsylvania. Meanwhile the gas is diluted into a rain cloud and turns into sufuric acid, which ends up as rainfall in New Jersey. What can we do about this?

At this point a girl sitting next to me goes “Why is sulfuric acid so harmful? What does it do?”. The poor chemist dude gives her the answer, I don’t think it’s necessary for me to give one here. The girl goes “So why are they burning coal?” Again, chemist dude points out the obvious, to which the girl responds, “So why don’t they just stop burning the coal?”

Yeah, here I am, worried I might not get back in.  BTW, the above is just the Cliffs Notes Version, I don’t have the energy to write the whole thing. I must admit, some of it is quite amusing. And kinda sad.

No Alcohol Involved

October 14, 2006

Dude, what is it with everyone being in a relationship crisis? Drinks with the guys from work tonight were lead by discussions of how miserable love really is. Everyone has some sort of decision to make. I, perpetually half-single, a free floater, keep telling myself I have to make a decision, but in reality have nothing to think about. It’s nice to not have to be responsible. Baby momma drama, cheating husbands/wives, speed-bump in-laws-I have none of it. Yay, me! Really, I’m just trying to convince myself that being single is wonderful. Truth is, I can barely take care of myself, let alone someone else. Maybe I just don’t try. I guess I stopped after the longest breakup ever with Boy Mentioned In Previous Post. That was 3 years ago.

I’ve always told myself that I’m all for leeping into the void where matters of the heart are concerned, but now I realize I’m full of shit. Someone pointed out to me recently that I use “let’s just be friends”, “it’s not you, it’s me”, and “I’m just too busy for anything right now” way more often than what would be considered appropriate. Yeah, I have a lot of “friends”. I lack any type of patience where my love life is concerned. And it shows.

I really do enjoy being single. I like the fact that I can do whatever I want. I have a really hard time calling a boy, checking in, making plans, that sort of thing. I also need tons of alone time, usually occupied with reading. I hate having to account for my time or give explanations. I’m just not all that good at it. I do miss sleeping with someone, though. Previous Post Boy was 6′, about 270 lbs. He was built like a linebacker. And sleeping next to him is a feeling I haven’t been able to duplicate with anyone else. I miss knowing that I have something to look forward to at the end of the day, someone always having your back when shit hits the fan. And sometimes I just need a foot rub, damn it. But most boyfriends don’t do that, anyway. Right?

I haven’t spoken to him in over a year. I get an email today about Sprint raising charges, something really generic he probably did not even realize he sent me. So why do I feel punched in the stomach?

No Other Way

October 10, 2006

When your mind is a mess
So is mine
I can’t sleep
Cause it hurts when I think
My thoughts aren’t at peace
With the plans that we make
Chances we take
They’re not yours and not mine
There’s waves that can break
All the words that we said
And the words that we mean
Words can fall short

Can’t see the unseen
Cause the world is awake
For somebody’s sake now,
Please close your eyes woman
Please get some sleep

And know that if I knew
All of the answers
I would not hold them from you
You’d know all of the things that I know

We told each other,
There is no other way

Well too much silence can be misleading
You’re drifting
I can hear it in the way that you’re breathing
We don’t really need to find reason
Cause out the same door
that it came
Well it’s leaving, it’s leaving

Leaving like a day that’s done
And part of a season
Resolve is just a concept
That’s as dead as the leaves
But at least we can sleep,
It’s all that we need

When we wake we will find
Our minds will be free to go to sleep

And know that if I knew
All the answers
I would not hold them from you
You’d know all of the things that I’d know
‘Cause we told each other,
there is no other way…

– Jack Johnson
In Between Dreams

So here it is, just for you. Doesn’t it make more sense when you read it? So now you know why it reminded me of you. You have officially managed to ruin Jack Johnson for me, btw. I listen to him, I think of you. Great. No one has ever done that before. No one. Feel special, damn it. Thank you for trying to make me feel comfortable again. It worked. Finally. Now let’s keep it that way….