The Aftermath

June 30, 2006

My jaw is as square as a Disney male character’s. I have sutures in 5 different places in my mouth. I can only eat stuff that looks regurgitated. I have lost about 5 lbs. I get dizzy if I stand up. Actually, I am in much better shape than I thought I would be. I suspect the Vicodin probably has a lot to do with it, but hey, if that’s all it takes, I’m lucky. My parents and sister have been awesome in helping me deal with this. Without them it would have been a gazillion times more difficult….


Last Week…

June 28, 2006

….I got a job offer and a date offer-without asking for either. Neither worked out, but it’s comforting to know you have options-sometimes it’s all that matters, really. I needed the ego boost. Now I’m back to normal.

Think of me tomorrow-wish me luck in parting with the wisdom teeth….


June 26, 2006

They appear at dusk, as if rising from the ground, their butts aglow. All over the back yard. I sit there, putting down my book so I can look at them. It's getting too dark for reading, anyway. The view is so serene, comforting, that for a moment I actually believe all is right with the world.

Fast Car

June 22, 2006

Anyone want an '04 NSX? it's red, with black interior, in perfect condition, 6 speed manual, and has about 8600 miles on it. I'll get you a good deal. The midlife-crisis cure is one of 200 in the World. Ain't that some shit? They actually let me drive it into the showroom on Monday. Ain't that some shit? Driving any car like that always makes me feel like I suck dick for a living-which I don't, obviously.

Infinite Wisdom

June 21, 2006

After several trips to a couple of dentists, it has been determined that my wisdom teeth need to come out. All 4. At the same time. The top ones are coming out and pushing against my almost-perfect teeth-not good. I actually like my smile. It looks expensive, but it's all natural. The bottom ones are impacted underneath my jaw.

So all this bloody mess is going down next Wednesday. I am going to be sedated for about 2 hours, and I am going to wake up with 4 HUGE holes in my mouth. My sister unpacked the blender already. I'm going to Costco this weekend to buy a case of Vitamin Water, 'cause that's all I'll be able to tolerate. Not looking forward to any of it. So does this qualify me for adulthood?

Those Shoes

June 20, 2006

"Got those pretty little straps around your ankles
Got those shiny little chains around your heart…"

                                                                         The Eagles

Someone who knows me pretty well made a comment (about me) tonight that reminded me of the song. Not good. I'm not sure if he made the comment because he sees me that way, or because he knows I'm afraid I'll turn up that way (sorry about the convoluted sentence). In other words-is he playing up my fear to serve his own agenda, or is he genuinely concerned? Does he even have grounds for concern? Does he have an agenda? He's funny that way, hard to tell sometimes. One thing I do know-if life does take me down that route, I will have the shoe collection to match….

Mall Perv

June 18, 2006

I was at the mall tonight, killing some time and a little bit of money (Sephora is like home away from home for me). As I'm waiting in line to get a hot dog (I had a weird craving, ok?), I feel someone's breath on top of my head. I slowly turn around to see who Darth Vader really is, and I see some handjob (no pun intended, but it does work out well), about a foot taller than me (so around 6'3) trying to look into the little pink Victoria's Secret shopping bag I'm holding in my hand. Dude, you should know by now that they wrap everything to death before they put it in the bag, just so creeps like you have no chance to see what's inside. Why don't you just go to the store? They let you pet the pretty panties, and you won't have to crane your neck over strangers to see what's in the bag. Asshole.

P.S. BTW, it was a white cotton hipster that came for free with a coupon from Cosmo. Go buy the magazine and get your own. You can even wear it to your next trip at the mall, if you are so inclined….


June 15, 2006

I am a disaster waiting to hapen…..

Nothing Like the Rain

June 15, 2006

It has been raining for about three weeks straight. Every evening, at around 6-7-8 o'clock. Did we change latitude? Tropic of Capricorn? Where is this coming from? As soon as I get out of work, the rain begins. It's a pain.


I am really beginning to dislike the place I work at. The place is a zoo, apathy is rampant,  disorganization is contagious. Very dramatic, I know. I caught myself having a full-blown dialogue in the bathroom today. I was actually talking to myself mid-pee. The whole atmosphere is making me twitch. And I'm bored. I don't like where this is headed. The last time I felt this way was right before I left AE. I made 3 employees cry in one week, wrote up another 3, called my manager an asshole, called a customer an asshole, and then gave 2 days notice. Dan had started to call me Communist Barbie (makes for a good Halloween costume, btw). Maybe I just need a mental health day. Get that dialogue out of my system….

Hot Mess

June 11, 2006

At times I feel I've been placed in the wrong body. It just doesn't feel right. I'm restless. Everything is wrong with the world. Everyone is pissing me of. I am not supposed to be here.

I know it's me. It has to be. I am not that delusional, to think I'm in the right. All the time. An attitude adjustment, perhaps. But how? I can't even cry anymore.

I need a soundproof room. I want to scream until my throat goes numb. A nervous breakdown right about now sounds really appealing. No, it's not that time of the month. In case you are wondering. I really have no excuse.

Maybe I just need to get laid. My hymen is actually growing back. A born again virgin.