Fidelity

” suppose I never ever saw you
suppose you never ever called
suppose I kept on singing love songs
just to break my own fall

just to break my fall…”

Regina Spektor

So, she’s one of my new favorites. Her voice is so deceptive, sounding as if you can sing that way, too. Sadly, that is not the case-with my voice, at least. Maybe next semester I can register for some voice lessons, too.

As for me, and what I’ve been up to-just trying to figure out how to cushion the blow. It’s higher than it looked from down there. Fuck.

iPod Is For Lovers

… or lack thereof. Basically, you plug it into your iPod and it vibes in rhythm with the music. Damn, I want an iPod….

Don’t Bring Me Down

Faint light of dawn
I’m listening to you breathing in and breathing out
Needing nothing
You are honey dipped
You are beautiful, floating clouds, soft world
I can’t feel my lips

I’m going down, I don’t want to change
I’m going down, going down the drain

Don’t bring me down, I beg you
Don’t bring me down, I won’t let you
Don’t bring me down

Then all of that’s annulled and I’m ayone’s everyone’s
We are one
Your face becomes the sun
And I’m addicted to the joy that the little things
Those little things
The little things they bring

I’m going down, I don’t want to change
I’m going down, going down the drain

Don’t bring me down, I beg you
Don’t bring me down, I won’t let you
Don’t bring me down

So now for restless mind, I could go either way

I’m going down, I don’t wanna change
I’m going down, going down the drain

Don’t bring me down, I beg of you
Don’t bring me down, I won’t let you
Don’t bring me down, I beg you
Don’t bring me down, don’t let me

There’s nothing left to choose
And so I fight a war, in my head
Stay the night
Protect me

                                                Sia, Colour the Small One

Such a beautiful song. You can find it on YouTube, if need be. Think about the visual it conjures up. That was me last night, to the T. And then the dreadful feeling that it was over before it began. No solid evidence of that, just this slimy bowling ball in my gut. Airplanes in the stomach, what lemon likes to call them. I’ve been replaying it all in my head all day as if it will change something for the better, looking for clues, and I think it’s turning me into a psycho. Why is it that in the process of trying to say what I mean I turn into a complete ass? Why do I torture myself, constantly imagining the worst-case scenario? Why do I quarantine myself from the rest of the world? This can’t be healthy. Surely there must be a way to cultivate a better personality. A lobotomy, maybe? Do they even still do those?

All I Want for Christmas….

This has got to be one of the funniest things SNL has ever put out…. Instant classic for my generation.

Party?

Anyone wanna go see Sia with me in D.C. on Nov 20? It’s a monday night, and I’ll probably end up staying tuesday, as well. Plan is flexible, of course…. Let me know.

Fade Into You

I want to hold the hand inside you
I want to take a breath that’s true
I look to you and I see nothing
I look to you to see the truth
You live your life
You go in shadows
You’ll come apart and you’ll go black
Some kind of night into your darkness
Colors your eyes with what’s not there.

Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think it’s strange you never knew

A stranger’s light comes on slowly
A stranger’s heart without a home
You put your hands into your head
And then smiles cover your heart

Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think it’s strange you never knew

Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think it’s strange you never knew
I think it’s strange you never knew

                                                 Mazzy Star

                                                 So Tonight That I Might See

The fonts keep changing on me for no apparent reason and it’s driving me up the wall. Danm, I just wanted it to be uniform. Sorry. Just a little something to set the Sunday Night Mood… Yup, barefoot and pregnant again….

No Other Way

When your mind is a mess
So is mine
I can’t sleep
Cause it hurts when I think
My thoughts aren’t at peace
With the plans that we make
Chances we take
They’re not yours and not mine
There’s waves that can break
All the words that we said
And the words that we mean
Words can fall short

Can’t see the unseen
Cause the world is awake
For somebody’s sake now,
Please close your eyes woman
Please get some sleep

And know that if I knew
All of the answers
I would not hold them from you
You’d know all of the things that I know

We told each other,
There is no other way

Well too much silence can be misleading
You’re drifting
I can hear it in the way that you’re breathing
We don’t really need to find reason
Cause out the same door
that it came
Well it’s leaving, it’s leaving

Leaving like a day that’s done
And part of a season
Resolve is just a concept
That’s as dead as the leaves
But at least we can sleep,
It’s all that we need

When we wake we will find
Our minds will be free to go to sleep

And know that if I knew
All the answers
I would not hold them from you
You’d know all of the things that I’d know
‘Cause we told each other,
there is no other way…

- Jack Johnson
In Between Dreams

So here it is, just for you. Doesn’t it make more sense when you read it? So now you know why it reminded me of you. You have officially managed to ruin Jack Johnson for me, btw. I listen to him, I think of you. Great. No one has ever done that before. No one. Feel special, damn it. Thank you for trying to make me feel comfortable again. It worked. Finally. Now let’s keep it that way….

For No Reason

"It seems to me that maybe
It pretty much always means no
So don't tell me you might just let it go"

                                                       Flake by Jack Johnson
I was as work late today, by myself in the office, so of course I had the music blasting (I was also wearing sweatpants). This was one of the songs that came on. I know, not a song to be blasted, but it seemed strangely appropriate….. Still have it on the brain……

P.S. I accomplished a lot more in the time I wore sweatpants than I did wearing a freakin suit. Go figure….

Can’t Get You Out Of My Head

“Sean” by Aya…. My trainer used to DJ all the big clubs in NYC for a living, and he played the song for me at the gym last week…. So I stole the CD, and have been listening to the song incessantly. I am in love with the chick!!! I don’t know who Sean is, but he is one lucky bastard…..

Every Day is Howie Day

“You’re barely waken

 And I’m tangled up in you…”

                                       Collide

I will not openly admit I listen to the God Damned song every day. I will not admit to owning his albums. If you ask me why I have a ticket stub for his concert in NYC last August I will tell you I took my friend, who really likes him(she really does, BTW). I will not admit his stupid music is part of the reason my expectations in relationships are so high… No, do not mistake this for a crush. I have a crush on Jack Johnson(Yummy Political Surfer Dude), Dave Grohl(have a things for drummers), and Bob Burnquist(Brazilian Skater Dude-like a better version of Marco). And Tom Selleck(no explanation necessary, I think). Not Howie Day. Howie Day is The Average Goofy White Guy. And that’s why his music really gets to me, I think…. So there it is. I have fucked up relationships because of Howie Day.